Breaking free from negative cycles

Breaking free from chains, stepping confidently toward a sunlit path

I don’t think I know a single person who is completely happy with every aspect of their life, or someone who’s been happy all the way through. As humans, we tend to be dissatisfied, constantly wishing for something better. When we don’t have something we want, we desire it right away. And when we do have it, we look for something else, something better.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this dissatisfaction isn’t always a bad thing. It’s actually this very drive that pushes us to improve and do better in life. But here’s the catch: not everyone takes that dissatisfaction and uses it as fuel for progress. If it were that simple, we’d all be moving forward with every bit of unhappiness, right?

Well, here’s the thing. For many of us, the response to unhappiness isn’t always action. Instead, we often fall back on something sneaky, something that feels comforting at first but is actually a devil in disguise. That “something” is evasion.

When we’re feeling unhappy, we tend to avoid it. We distract ourselves. Instead of facing the discomfort, we do everything we can to push it away. And we do this in a many different ways — worrying, blaming others, hiding away from life, turning to social media, shopping, or sometimes even substances. These distractions give our minds a break, but only for a while.

The thing about evasion is that, at first, it seems harmless. You tell yourself you’re just taking a breather, trying to figure things out. But over time, this avoidance takes a deeper hold. It starts to have more of an impact than you realize. Eventually, you might come to one of three realizations:

1. The first is the best case scenario: You realize that something’s wrong and that you need to take action. You know what you need to do, and you start making moves.

2. The second, not so ideal, scenario: You realize something’s wrong, but you’re stuck. You can’t seem to find the motivation or clarity to do anything about it. This keeps you in a perpetual state of evasion, and it’s exhausting.

3. The worst case: You get stuck in an endless loop of worry, guilt, and despair. You want to be happy, but there’s no energy left to even try. This often leads to anxiety or even depression.

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We’ve all been there. And here’s the thing — falling into evasion is completely normal. It doesn’t make you weak or lazy. In fact, it can be a sign that you’re becoming aware of your unhappiness. You’re at least recognizing that something isn’t right, and that’s actually the first step toward change. The trick, though, is to avoid staying stuck in that loop.

So, how do you break out of it? The real question is: How do you find motivation when you’re caught in the trap of realization, evasion, and corresponding guilt?

In my experience, the best way to find motivation in such moments is to break the pattern. And by that, I mean doing something completely different from your usual routine, something that shakes things up a little.

Let’s say you’re feeling overwhelmed by worries. Maybe you’ve been reading a lot of self-help books trying to find some inspiration, but you’re not getting anywhere. Try stopping. Don’t read anything for a while. Instead, read fiction, or better yet, watch something light-hearted on TV. If you’ve been isolating yourself, start small by just meeting a friend or taking a walk outside.

The goal here isn’t to suddenly become super productive. It’s not about turning your life around in an instant. It’s about breaking the monotony and stepping away from the things you’ve been doing that aren’t helping you.

Start with the small, simple things. The point is not to be productive or to fix everything. It’s to do something — anything — that shifts your routine. When you do this, you’re not focused on what’s wrong with your life; instead, you’re opening up space to experience something new, something small. And in doing that, you might just create a tiny crack in the wall of negativity.

And here’s where it gets interesting. Once you’ve broken the pattern, you’ll begin to see the world a little differently. You might notice things you’ve overlooked. You might start having new thoughts, even ideas. It’s like shifting your perspective without even trying.

There will be times when you try something new and quickly get bored or frustrated. That’s okay. If meeting friends feels like too much, go back to being alone, but do it differently. Watch a funny show, read a silly book, or even play board games with your family. The idea is to keep moving, both mentally and emotionally. Don’t get stuck in the same place.

And then, at some point, something clicks. You find that spark of motivation — maybe a small one, maybe something bigger. That’s when it becomes important to keep the momentum going. You’ll find that little spark and feed it with more action. Slowly, your small actions build on each other, and that spark grows into something bigger — a sustainable motivation that fuels you for the long term.

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Let me share a personal example. The last blog I wrote was in February, and after that, I found myself unable to get back to writing. Why? Well, I was dealing with some health issues, and to top it off, I wasn’t happy with the direction my career was taking. I’d made two career shifts in the past year, hoping it would lead to something better, but it wasn’t working out. I started to feel stuck and overwhelmed.

As a result, I fell into avoidance mode. I shut myself off from the world, stopped reading, started eating poorly, and even went on a random shopping spree. But then, one day, I decided to break the pattern. Instead of reading self-help books, I started watching light-hearted TV shows. I also got back to my fitness routine, even if it was just taking brisk walks. Instead of forcing my current career move to work at all costs, I decided to give it my best effort while staying open to other possibilities. I stopped obsessing over the idea that I needed to leave or do something else immediately, allowing myself the space to focus on what’s in front of me without letting it consume all my thoughts.

Slowly but surely, I began feeling better. I wasn’t trying to be productive or fix everything, but just the act of breaking out of my routine made a difference. And then came a moment when everything clicked. My company organized a webinar with industry leaders, and instead of avoiding it like I usually would, I decided to join. And I’m so glad I did. Listening to the webinar gave me a huge burst of energy. I felt like a new person afterward, ready to take on the world again.

That was my tipping point. That spark led me to write again. I’ve kept the momentum going, and here I am, sharing my story.

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The point is this: Motivation doesn’t always come from big, dramatic changes. Sometimes, it’s the small, seemingly insignificant shifts that break the cycle. By taking passive action i.e. doing things outside of your usual routine, you might just spark the change you’ve been waiting for.

If you’re in that cycle of realization, evasion, and guilt, try something new. Break the pattern, no matter how small. It might not seem like much at first, but you never know. Sometimes all it takes is one small shift to start a big change and breaking free from negative cycles of life.